Nothing funny about feldspar

I just ate the most food-snob lunch I’ve had in quite a while, perhaps ever. For dinner, food-snobbery is ok, even as I laugh at myself and Plagioclase for indulging in it. But lunch? That’s a sandwich, or leftovers heated in the microwave. Not much room for chichi trendiness.

Except today, when I had to use up some leftovers from a food-snob cheese dinner. Even as I was making it I was composing this post in my head — something about how the Dutch call a sandwich “boterham,” which sounds more like a recipe than an object. And describing how I spread the (admittedly 2-day old) “artisanal farm baguette” with Artisanal Latur cheese (”Creamy Blend of Cow and Sheep Milk Cheese” according to a restaurant menu). This cheese is not cultured butter (another foodie item), but it’s creamy like soft butter even out of the fridge, and spreads really easily. It even tastes buttery, with only a small hint (when cold) of any stinky-cheesiness.

On top of the cheese, I carefully placed individual slices of “Iowa Country Ham.” I asked the deli guy what that meant exactly, and he said, “Ham, you know, from Iowa. Wanna taste?” Sure! I tasted it, and it’s salty and dry and kinda prosciutto-like, but also smoky. So artisanal meat was also involved.

On the side, I had Sweet Potato and Beet Chips (from Terra Chips but I wasn’t able to find them on their website). These are in the “not bad, great for conversation, but too expensive to buy frequently” category. But what the heck, I was eating a [redacted] dollar sandwich, why wouldn’t I eat a few bucks worth of self-esteem?

Anyway, I’m eating, and composing this post in my head (and it was much better there, too bad you missed it), and it hits me. I’m eating a ham and cheese sandwich. I despise ham and cheese sandwiches. Slimy tasteless ham with rubbery processed cheese! How could I betray my principles in such a tasty way!

Ach! I think I’ll stick with “boterham” for today, if you don’t mind. It helps me to keep the illusion of food-festival chic.